Do you say “I love you” enough !!


Love-Hand-for-Choosing-a-name

I thought I would write about what Love meant for me, and as part of looking at what love meant I was reminded of one of my favourite love songs or more aptly a song about falling out of love. For sometimes we need to know the pain of not being loved anymore to really appreciate the feelings of being in love. So before I take you on my personal musings on the theme of love listen to Bon Iver doing great justice to this hauntingly beautiful and sad song…  http://youtu.be/Q3VjaCy5gck

“I Can’t Make You Love Me”

Turn Down The Light

Turn down the bed

Turn down these voices inside my head

Lay down with me

Tell me no lies

Just hold me close

Don’t patronise

Don’t patronise

‘Cause i can’t make you love me if you don’t

You can’t make your heart feel something that it won’t

Here in the dark in these final hours

I will lay down my heart

And i feel the power

But you won’t, no you won’t

‘Cause i can’t make you love me if you don’t

I’ll close my eyes, then i won’t see

The love you don’t feel when you’re holding me

Mornin’ will come and i’ll do what’s right

Just give me till then to give up this fight

And i will give up this fight

‘Cause i can’t make you love me if you don’t

You can’t make your heart feel something that it won’t

Here in the dark in these final hours

I will lay down my heart

And i feel the power

But you won’t, no you won’t

‘Cause i can’t make you love me if you don’t.

Isn’t that beautiful and painful all in one go….

Recently in work I was chatting with one of my female colleagues about how loved I felt and how in love I feel, we were talking about how something as complex as feeling in love can have a very physical effect on the whole body. I was telling my colleague that I can be sitting on the couch in our house and looking over at my wife and suddenly without warning I am overcome with emotion, tears flowing, breathing quickens and a I feel like I have very big lump in my throat. All are very physical manifestations of how I feel love.

I decided a long time ago consciously to tell my wife on a very regular basis that I love her, and I try to do this every morning, every evening and as many times in between as I can manage, Why?, because I believe that doing this verbalising process is almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy, if I say it enough it will be.

It also has an effect on my wife, an obvious one, one that makes her smile, one that she responds to with equal measures of kindness and love. I have heard it said by some that this behaviour is sad or soppy, for me it is one of the areas that define me as a man, the ability to look at and connect with another human being on a level that is deep seated within me, that doesn’t take words, that can be communicated with a look, that can be sensed and that makes me feel whole.

We should never be afraid to tell those we love that we do, we should never be afraid to tell them why, we need to learn to recognise the physical effects of love on our bodies, and then when we connect with them it becomes second nature. Love is not easy to find, but when you do you need to fight tooth and nail to keep it, you need to make sure that you affirm it every day, you need to make sure that nothing gets in the way. Love and ego are poor bed fellows; leave your ego behind you. Learn what makes you tick, learn where your personal pain is, and learn where your strengths and weaknesses are. Remember that only you can change what you want to be , what you want to do, only you can decide how much you want to be loved and how much love you want to give. You need to give of love freely and be prepared to receive it back. When you find love do not accept second best, fight for it every minute of every day, let nothing get in the way, do not spoil it with petty arguments and rancour, embrace it with openness and honesty and make time to simply say “I Love You”.

To all those I Love, especially Nuala & Dave xx

Adrian McKenna is a Social Care Professional ; he has worked for many years with young people and adults in residential care, detention services, mental health services and post-adoption services. He currently works with a large Dublin-based charity. He is a Member of Social Care Ireland, The Irish Association of Social Care Workers, Social Justice Ireland and sits on the Social Care Workers Board at CORU.

All views expressed are entirely my own unless otherwise stated and are not representative of any organisation or employer past , present or future.

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9 thoughts on “Do you say “I love you” enough !!

  1. I could fell the love as I read that beauitful story of how you feel. But I have to say from the bottom of my heart, you give love and understanding to anyone in a room with you. Love is your middle name You are on earth to share love. xxxxxxxxxx
    ,

    Like

  2. Adrian,
    I never understood the strength one gets from being loved completely. At last I feel how you feel …..overwhelmed by the joy one person can give you and wanting to return it with as much passion . Thanks for your blog Ado, it’s a beautiful thing to read .

    Like

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